mediocracy at its best
possibly impossible
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bored week. haha monday took julena and brian to the airport and kenny came with me. then kenny and i went and got out checks. then..oh what did we do…oh yeah we went to my house for a bit…ate some pho. and saw paranormal activity. so scary…well more or less it was really creepy. i had to go get seul gee and have her stay the night with me! dropped off kenny and then seul gee and i went to anthony’s to hang out for a little bit. we went home then and fell asleep to mulan.
tuesday went to work at hollywood video. wednesday um was off. i don’t remember what i did. thursday went to seattle with sabrina for her treatment. and then went to work. friday hung out with leanne and went and got peanut and ali ( who is freaking hilarious) and went to pick up julena and brian. then dropped brian and leanne off went to julena’s and drank. had mostly a good time. some people made it bad for a bit but no worries. getting ready for work now. well i will when peanut gets out of the shower. urgh work haha
i def. need a vacation. i can’t wait for my birthday. julena and i are supposed to go to new york. so excited we found some really cheap packages like 600 for 5 days. it’s crazy. i can’t wait i think i want a spa day somewhere in that i need of day of relaxation for once. everyday something has to happen it’s irritating.
come one come all
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wow jam packed past few days. hung out a lot with anthony! on thursday we watched land of the lost. love that movie. and attempted to watch this one called wedding slashers…it was crap. and then we watched tamara. stayed up til like 4 in the morning and then woke up at 9:30 oh gosh.
friday…picked up kenny. punk ass wasn’t awake when i went grr. haha. we listened to some music and watched up. such a cute movie. and then we went and got my check and to pick up anthony from work. we talked for a bit in the car. he opened up to some things that are quite personal. and i to him. it’s interesting what you learn about someone and how far in sometimes that they’ll let you go. or how far you will let them dabble in your life.
then we went to red robin. yum. and saw final destination, it was alright. i think kenny and i are going to go see paranormal activity on monday. i’m really excited to see that. went down to the lobster shop for a minute, then went to anthony’s and watched the number 23, i really liked it. there was quite a bit of sex in it though, not that that’s bad or anything 
and then we went to wincos where i stole 2 pounds of candy on accident. no seriously it was an accident! i would have paid! and we started watching skeleton crew but that again was terrible. the cover looked good and it sounded good but terrible quality. anthony and kenny both suck at picking movies.
woke up at 1, haha and smoked and talked. brian and leanne came to get kenny for disney on ice tonight. got super irritated. came home. ate some dinner and watched the ugly truth with my dad and brother. got my first letter from brandon! so super excited about that, gonna write him back tonight after work!
then went to julena’s for a bit, went to walmart and we went back to her house and watched some tv and she made me an amazing mix. she makes the most awesome mixes ever. love that girl.
got super irritated today because i’m so fed up with people pretending to be my friend. if you don’t want to be my friend then fucking tell me so i can stop trying. tell me and i swear i’ll leave you alone and go away like you want. just man up for once in your fucking life. quit being so pathetic it makes me sick to my stomach. i’ve had a lot of shit already happen this year i don’t want or need any more drama.
Tags: Anthony, Brandon, Brian, candy, closeness, Dad, disney, drama, final destination, friendship, Julena, Kenny, land of the lost, Leanne, letter, mixes, red robin, skeleton crew, tamara, the number 23, Travis, up, wedding slashers
twisted sentiments
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oh what a day, what a day.
not much has been going on these past few days…worked at wild waves on friday and after work hung out with leanne for a minute and then hung out with brian and kenny for like an hour. fun stuff.
halloween came by…didn’t dress up super bummed at that, it’s my favorite holiday! worked early at wild waves brian rudely did not come early to come visit me so i was pretty alone…and then jetted off to work at hollywood video. closed with andrew though. he’s freaking awesome. and awkward in an amazing way haha.
hung out with anthony a lot this weekend. that was fun. we watched this movie called night watcher. NO ONE WATCH THIS MOVIE. it was super lame. thank god for my free rentals..
and today went to the mall with anthony and leanne’s family. we took pictures and had a lot of fun too. wish we could have went to the museum as well…they got to make paper flowers. so sad.
life itself is still kind of dismal. i don’t really have a lot to look forward to and it’s irritating. i want something to look forward to again. i want to be happy with no worries. oh what i would pay for that. things will get better. hopefully sooner rather than later. i think i like a new boy. not quite sure about my feelings just of yet don’t really know him. don’t know the other boy i like too much either. but i should remedy that after i give him my number. i have to move on. one step at a time. i need to stop looking at the past and just keep going. but it’s hard… he’s still on my mind. he needs to not be, but i can’t help it, not just yet anyway.
Tags: andrew, Anthony, Brian, halloween, Happiness, Hollywood Video, Kenny, Leanne, Love, mall, night watcher, pictures
don’t speak.
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pretty uneventful day in my opinion. woke up late. and just jumped on my computer. oh how i missed it so. was downloading a bunch of stuff…then i forgot to put my clothes in the dryer…and had to wait forever for it haha. i was supposed to meet anthony at 2:30 and didn’t even get out there til like 3:15…my bad.
work was pretty good. today was ashton’s last day she went back to her store in auburn. stupid auburn getting the hecka cool shift leader. she makes it so chill to work there it’s amazing. and shes super freaking nice.
now seul gee is over and spending the night yay! wonder what mayhem we’ll cause together 
just pull the trigger.
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Well where to begin…Saturday worked at hollywood video and wild waves. Kind of boring at hollywood but it wasn’t bad. Got to work and had to do breaks because we were mucho understaffed. After work Brian, Kenny, Leanne and I hung out. Well mostly me, Brian and Leanne. Brian had me laughing so hard it was ridiculous. I hate it when people make me laugh as hard as he did on Saturday, because when I laugh really hard it sounds horrible. Then Leanne Stayed the night and we watched Glee. Love that show. And in the morning I was awoken by Leanne straddling me and then humping me…..multiple times. Never inviting that girl to stay over again.
On Sunday, after the morning rape, I took Brian, Kenny, and Leanne to work. Paul came to the park to play with Rocco. So we went around and had him ride all the rides. He rode the space racer with me, let me tell you goes faster than you think. Then after we went to Jimmy Mac’s Roadhouse. Their steak is so delicious. And then we took Leanne back to her car and I took Kenny home. Brian and I went to his house so he could give me the Sweeney Todd soundtrack. We also watched the last 40 minutes of this movie called Mysterious Skin. It was disgusting and there was a really bad rape scene in it. Could have gone my live without seeing that.
Yesterday, slept in, got ignored. Went and got my paycheck from Halloween Express. Still didn’t give me all my money but I didn’t give Shell the hundred back because they owe me about that. Then went and got my paycheck from wild waves. and paid my car so I’m broke grr. Went to Fred Meyer’s picked up a few things and Anthony and I went and picked up a few movies. We met up with Kenny and Brian because Kenny owed him money. Then we went and hung out at Anthony’s for a while. Then we went shopping with Carye. Which I thought would be awkward but it was actually fun. Went back to Anthony’s and watched this creepy ass movie called amusement about this guy who wants to seek vengeance on these 3 girls who made fun of him or something.
Not to eventful. Maybe for the better. I can’t take the drama anymore. But it seems like with the drama a few friendships left as well. I don’t know. My feelings of discontent don’t seem to go away. I wish they would. I so badly just want to move on and start over. if only….
Tags: Brian, Kenny, Leanne, Anthony, Hollywood Video, Glee, humping, Paul, Rocco, Space Racer, Jimmy Mac's, Sweeney Todd, Mysterious Skin, Halloween Express, Shell, Carye, Amusement
be calm
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Betrayal: to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to
“You’re so pessimistic” I hear this more often than I’d like to admit. But can you blame me? After I broke up with Nick I didn’t want to let anyone in because he lied to me. I kiss Anthony and he tries to force himself on me. I started liking Brandon and I find out he’s in love with another girl. I fall in love with Kenny and I find out he was hooking up with Brian. After I gave him a second chance, after he promised he’d never hurt me, or lie to me. If anything I think betrayal and I have come to be great friends.
But they say don’t close your heart. Don’t be bitter. It’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. But if I hadn’t loved, I wouldn’t have a broken heart. It’s getting better. Slowly. But now who can I trust? Who do I know to let in? To be vulnerable to? I don’t think my heart could take anymore pain.
How do I start fresh when I have such a daunting past? How do I step forward if I’m being pulled back? How can I breathe when I’m being crushed? How do I move on if my heart is still holding on?
oh the introductions…
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Well allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tawny. I ‘m 20 years old, currently working at hollywood video, not in school as of right now. Single, things with that are pretty complicating but getting better each day. I have 3 tattoos and I’m itching to get more. I am a very interesting character. the oddest of things fascinate me. My favorite movie is Nightmare Before Christmas. My favorite director is Tim Burton. I don’t have a favorite band, my music taste is much too vast to limit to one, but some of the favorites are Manchester Orchestra, Brand New, 30 Seconds to Mars, fun., and The Classic Crime. I love to bake, I want to open my own bakery. That is my dream.
I have a sister named Jessie, she is 27 years old, she works at a fire alarm company. She is married to Travis, a concrete finisher, they’ve been together since they were in 8th grade, married for 4 years now. Jessie is pretty fantastic, she’s blunt and to the point and she’ll never hide how she truly feels about anything to anyone. She’s always there for me to help me with the toughest of issues, she’ll never turn her back on me. I practically consider Travis to be my real brother. He started living with us when he was 16. He always steps up to the plate to help me, whether it be removing a dead bird from my car or protecting me from drunks.
My dad’s name is Jose, but he prefers to be called Roberto. He is from Santa Ana, El Salvador and moved to Texas in his early 20s where he met my moml. He works as a production manager/concrete finisher. He is the best dad ever and always puts my sister and I before himself. He has always taken care of me and provided me with everything I need. He even allowed me to move back into his home 2 years ago. He has taught me to be such a good person and to always be conscientious, and to appreciate what I have.
My mother’s name is Sang Soon, but she prefers to be called Susie. She is an auditor I believe? Something for the county. She is from South Korea and moved to the US when she was 6 and moved around with her eldest sister and somehow ended up in Texas where she met my wonderful father. Currently she is ill, she has kidney failure and is on diaylsis and needs a new kidney. She always provided me with a roof over my head and was always there for me to talk to her, irreguardless to whether or not I wanted her to be. Growing up was tough but we had set aside our differences but our paths seemed to have landed us back to where we used to be and are no longer are on speaking terms.
My cousin’s name is Seul Gee, but I call her Seul Gee Beul Gee sometimes. She’s 19, just graduated and is currently wokring as a waitress. We both went through a hell of a summer and she has become my confident and it has brought us closer together than ever. We are completly opposite (i.e. she listens to Michael Buble and I listen to Emery) but at the same time we are so similar (we can seriously laugh at nothing for 20 mins…) We’ve grown up together and she can make me feel better in a heart beat and I thank god I have her in my life.
If i’m hanging out with anyone I’m most likely with: Julena, LEANNE, Brian, Kenny, Anthony, Seann or whoever I decide to randomly hang out with. I love my friends to the bottom of my heart unconditionally even if they cannot offer the same. They are all more important to me than they’ll ever know. Each possess a quality that I gurantee is hard to find. They are AMAZING for the most part (I mean come on we all have our days) but I do cherish them whether I show it or not. And I can’t stress that enough if they are reading this.
And that’s it in a nut shell. My life hasn’t been easy, no one’s is. But I try to take each day in stride. Some days I need my friends and family to pick up the pieces to my already broken heart. And they all do wonderful at this. I’m not a simple person, it does take a lot to tolerate me but I try to make it worth your while. I can be rude, blunt, careless, and narcissistic. But I can also be kind, loyal, genuine and loving. I can’t let go easy, usually whatever I’m holding on to is too important for me to. I push people away when really they are the ones most I want to stay. I want to be happy. That’s all I want right now is to be happy…
just me.
